Should I start thinking in terms of “how can I make something for me?” without feeling guilty or ashamed for creating something self-indulgent? Maybe. This answer changes frequently. Sometimes it feels alright. There’s little to no pressure to share it if it’s “bad”. Sometimes there are aha! moments when reflecting on a scene that hasn’t been shared with anyone else. I’d almost prefer to listen to friends gush about their own worlds than attempt to explain my own…
The flip-side is: no one really gets to know these fictional people like I do. Heck, I still learn new things about them every day! Izumi’s favorite flavor of bubble tea is mango-milk, even though she wants to try out peach. The baristas already know how she likes it. Pashmina’s still getting over the weird tapioca texture, and wondering if she should have gotten taro instead of coconut today.
I really like these slice-of-life moments. It’s just difficult to persuade people to care about them the same way. How can I make these mundane interactions meaningful? Worthy of story?
I don’t really have the answer yet. I think, at this point in time, I want to create spaces and characters that reflect elements of “existing as a person” that weren’t (and often still aren’t) fully present or clear to me. Personhood is complex, but simple things can hold meaning, too. That might be enough for me.